The Simon Le Bon Diaries are a series of notes; supposedly diary entries; allegedly written by Simon Le Bon. There is significant doubt as to the authenticity of this material, and it seems unlikely to be true.
Background[]
The Simon Le Bon diaries appeared in fanzines during the 1990s, perhaps printed or re-printed in 1997, and subsequently printed or re-printed by Cherry Lipstick magazine in 2001. In each case, the entry would begin with a plausible explanation as to how these entries were discovered. The 1980 entries begin with a line that explains the diary was stolen from Simon's loft. The 1982 page says the pages were 'borrowed' from a biscuit tin in the potting shed at the bottom of Si's garden.
Authenticity Evidence[]
Although Simon has confirmed that he had left his diary in his shed, and that it was stolen and subsequently returned by fans, the page entries themselves contract the facts. In the 1980 section, the diary implies that Fiona got Simon the interview with the Berrows, while in the video below, Simon confirms that although Fiona suggested it, he himself picked up the phone and spoke to Michael.
The 1982 pages suggest that Andy and John had a conversation on the aeroplane on the way to Sri Lanka. According to Andy's autobiography, he arrived in Sri Lanka later with Nick, as the pair of them had been mixing the album until the last minute before leaving England. Andy describes the long journey in the flatbed truck with Nick, which was several days after the others had arrived.
According to the 1984 pages, Simon was laughing at his celibacy with the band, when in fact he would be private about that subject. Andy's joke about Nick and gadgets and a zebra doesn't seem to fit with Nick. Simon writes very neat, concise, and condensed lyrics as a professional song writer, and so is unlikely to have written 15 pages to Claire. The Tracey surprise visit is also unlikely, as Andy was very much in love with Tracey at that time, and would not be panicking. It also suggests John was up to his neck in 'prozzies'. With so many DD fans trying to climb in through the cracks in the brickwork, it is very unlikely that John has even needed to stoop so low as to buy sex from ladies of pleasure.
The Diaries[]
1980
| Date | Event |
|---|---|
| Apr 2 | Simon Diary: "Met Fiona Kemp (ex) again – think she still fancies me! Feel ill – drank 6 ciders last night (sick but no one noticed)". (Source). |
| Apr 9 | Simon Diary: "Fiona (ex) back in pub again – managed a snog!!! She started winding me up about when I pretended to be a pop star with Dog Days. Tried to say I just did it for a laugh but she kept going on about how I used to tell everyone I was going end up in LA and shag loads of groupies. God, how dumb was I? At least she said I was different now - WHICH IS TRUE!!!! She’s working in some club called The Red Rum. Said I should stop by (4 ciders, not sick). (Source). |
| May 8 | Simon Diary: "Shit! Fiona was at the pub getting all excited about this weird band. Got a bit drunk and having a snog (no urther…
maybe next time???) when she goes on about me looking cool and how I should be in a band. Before I know it I’ve agreed to audition, or something. She said she’ll find out for me – F*K!!!!". (Source). |
| May 10 | Simon Diary: "Fiona called – she had a word and they’ve got auditions tomorrow!!! She said wear crazy stuff – even lipstick!!! CRAP!!!! Be good to see Fiona and she seems keen – who knows where it might lead? I had a weird dream about her last night – I was lying in
the grass for ages with dirty clothes. I could hear Fiona saying ‘wait for the sound of thunder’ then I flew through the air and was lying on the page like a dotted line. There was a huge pair of scissors that cut around me and stuck me on their door. I closed my eyes and touched he ground and started spinning – and then was sick (only had 3 ciders…)" |
| May 11 | Simon Diary: "Weird day. Got all dolled up in charity shop cast offs – looked real crazy. Then had to suffer badly on the bus.
Made noises about a fancy dress party. Eventually found stupid club – after driving round in a taxi for Red Rum club. Chatted for a bit – they wanted to know if I had any lyrics. Stroke of genius – showed them the dream I wrote down – they f*ing loved that!!!! Told them there was plenty more where that came from! Then they wanted me to sing. Just went for it and it all seemed to please them. " |
| May 12 | Simon Diary: "F*K F*K F*K F*K!!! I GOT IT!!! They are well keen – does that mean I’m good or they’re desperate? Wondered hether I had to get kitted out in lipstick every time I saw them but thought I ought to go in gear this time – good job too! They were all kitted out and keen to flatter me." |
| May 13 | Simon Diary: "Disastrous day. The gay one, it turns out, ISN’T gay – bloody confusing. Found out in not very great way – he was
snogging Fiona. So that’s that and now I’m stuck in this band – what have I got myself into????. |
1982
| Date | Event |
|---|---|
| Mar 7 | Simon Diary: "At home for Sunday roast with Mum and Dad in Pinner. So good to be back. No one being bitchy today – finally! AT is such a pain at times. No – ALL THE TIME!!! And it’s not just him that’s annoying – I can’t get near the control desk (even if I knew what it did) for NR hovering over it. And then there’s ‘John The God’ in his stupid trilby chipping in with “Yeah, in 1978 when I started the band…” I know his game! At least Roge is a good laugh. Oh God – tomorrow’s Monday and I’ve got to go back…" |
| Mar 8 | Simon Diary: "Had a great idea today while putting the finishing touches to The Driver! (The Chauffeur) I was flicking through my old note books from Israel and saw a scribble from my ‘talking to the dolphins’ hippy period that said ‘sing blue water’. So – rather inspired I thought – I added ‘silver’ as that’s the colour of my new ear ring. NR loved it! John hung about trying to find something to criticise so I said, “Yeah, that’s from when I was travelling in ’78.” Ha!. |
| Mar 9 | Dimon Diary: "Should’ve seen that coming – John gets his own back. I’m working on the middle bit in Hungry Like The Wolf when John
starts rushing me and says, “just go ‘do do do’.” But that’s what I’m doing in Rio and Lonely In Your Nightmare! Andy turns up and says “I could ‘do do do’ with a you-know-what!” (Cocaine). John starts giggling at this. He (John) says he hasn’t changed at all, but I don’t feel the same. He just can’t laugh all the time. (See March 19th). |
| Mar 20 | Simon Diary: "Finally off on the plane (journey) to Sri Lanka! Mum made me pack some pills in case I get a dicky tum. JT / AT had one of their weird conversations in the row next to me. “So we’ll need some 'special toothpaste' when we get there,” says Andy, all smiley. John says, “Oh yes! We’ll need to 'clean our teeth' when we land – I’ve put it in my wash bag.” Andy looks very alarmed. “You fuckin’ what? You idiot!” he hisses. They then huddle together and John looks sweaty, grey and ashen. Andy is not much better. Maybe they’ll need some of Mum’s pills before we get there. |
| Mar 24 | Simon Diary: "NR finally arrives from the UK, looking all pleased with himself. He says that the album’s finished – I bet he’s
left all the ‘do do dos’ in, like he did with the ‘ba ba bas’ in Planet Earth. I’ve been up to my neck in some disease-ridden water while JT / AT keep wandering off and giggling. This is getting ridiculous. Roger understands. |
| Mar 25 | Simon Diary: "Interesting call today. Guy knows a guy who knows a guy who owns this sailing boat called Eilean in Antigua. He
needs someone to run the company, take rich tourists out fishing and sailing etc. Well, I was good on the Norfolk Broads, it’ll be hot and I’LL BE IN CHARGE! I mean, is this my life? Endlessly being pushed about and made to sing do-do-do. Is this band going to last much longer? I was so fed up I threw a café table around and didn’t care who saw it. |
| Apr 23 | Simon Diary: "Packing again, off to Japan, charging about, always being told what to do. That boat is looking good…" |
| Apr 24 | Simon Diary: "Whoops. Sat on the plane to Japan daydreaming of Antigua. I overhear Berrow 1 chatting to Nick and John. They’re all happy about the Sri Lanka videos (well they didn’t have to do much, did they?) and they’re planning some new trip. Always ignoring me!!! “That English Harbor in Antigua is nice,” I butt in. They all turn and look at me funny. “How do you know that?” they ask. “Errr, I saw it on TV,” I add in what even I knew was a pretty unconvincing bluff. Later I over-heard NR talking. “I checked it out – that English Harbor area is gorgeous. We should go there.” Grrrr." |
| May 3 | Simon Diary: "Arrive in Antigua – YES YES YES!!! Bring it on!" |
| May 5 | Simon Diary: "Awful day. Slip away and find Eilean’s owner. See boat. Sit on boat. All looking good. Then shown mop room. “Here is your cleaning equipment,” says horrible man. “Be here 5am tomorrow.” What? Then John and Andy show up. “Oh fuckin’ yes!” says John. “Is this the one, Mike?” says Andy to Berrow 2. “Yes indeedy!” says Berrow 2. “Fuckin’ yes!” says John, sniffing repeatedly (how has he got a cold here?). |
| May 6 | Simon Diary "A good day. Roger goes out to bat for me with Nick and Berrow 1 and I get to sit at the front on the boat. I’m in
full frame and Andy gets pushed in the water. Rio is out soon. Maybe this band is worth sticking with for a bit longer after all…" |
1984
| Date | Event |
|---|---|
| Mar 19? | Simon Diary: "Long, long telephone conversation with Claire who then gets cross when I try to end the call. “Where are you going? Who will you be seeing?” she demanded. “I’m off to sing in a concert at Madison Square Gardens!” I plead. There’s a knock at my door from Berrow 1. “Hey Simon, we’re on the move now… show time!” “Just a minute!” I say to him. “Please, Claire, I’ve got to go.” “Oh, this is
so like you!” she shouts. 5 seconds later there’s loud banging on my door. “Fuck sake Simon get on with it,” shouts Andy. “We’ve been waiting, like, hours or something for you. Just ditch her. She’s been a pain in the arse for years.” Hmm, something about that relationship advice struck a chord. Could it be that Claire and I are not meant to be?. |
| Mar 24 | Simon Diary: "After his thoughtful advice, I decided to sit next to Andy on the plane to the next city. “Hey man, how’s it going?”
he drawled. I decided to tell him about my worries and whether things might not work out with Claire. “Well surely all the chicks you’re banging every night isn’t a good sign,” he suggested, “but what she don’t know can’t hurt her, eh? I mean, Tracey gets it - ask no questions and I'll tell no lies.” “I’m not doing that!” I said. “I’m faithful to her.” “Yeah, yeah,” said Andy. “I am!” Andy then spluttered and burst out laughing. “You’re kidding, right?” “No.” “Ahahahaha!” He stood up. “Hey, guess what lads, Charlie’s been a virgin on tour!” Everyone roared with laughter. “Fuck, last night I saw Nick take four suitcases of gadgets and a zebra into his room,” said Andy. “You need to get some action.” |
| Mar 10 | Simon Diary: "Wow! This American tour is hard going. I’m up early AGAIN doing the pre-meets and interviews. Three Pennsylvania radio stations and the two local newspapers today. Claire’s phoning tonight. She’s been increasingly frosty for some reason." |
| Mar 11 | Simon Diary: "OK so in between juggling the photo shoot, meeting the sponsors, and doing breakfast TV, I’ve had to round up John
and Andy from a pool party and work out what’s going on with Claire. She just sounds off all the time with comments like "So you certainly seem to be having a good time" and "I can just imagine what fun you’re having." What gives? I’m up at 7 every morning and in bed by 10 if there’s no show, and charging about the rest of the time. I tried to explain but the line must have been bad as the phone went dead half way through our conversation. (Source). |
| Mar 14 | Simon Diary: "Long letter from Claire arrived. 15 pages front AND back. Apparently the papers in the UK are full of some stories about the tour. I have not got a clue what she’s on about. I was woken up at 3am by some racket from John’s room – AGAIN. Lots of screeching and shouting with various whacks and then banging of doors. John staggered down to the lobby at 4pm to get ready for the show. “Hi Si,” he slurred. I have to say that I was a bit abrupt. “Oh, so I see you’re up then,” I said. “Some of us have been busy all day.” “Yeah, right, cool,” says John. “Fuck me, that was some night. I was up to my nuts in prozzies [ladies of the night].” He scratched his balls, lifted his leg and farted. “What’s for breakfast?”. |
| Apr 16 | Simon Diary: "“This way, this way,” shouted Berrow 2. “Code Red. The tiger is out of the cage, Code Red!” We piled into John's room where there was a fire escape. My bare foot trod in a puddle of something squelchy. Down the fire escape we trooped. “What's going on?” I asked John. “Fuckin' Tracey's turned up. We're shoving Andy in your room.” “Why?” I asked. “Cos yours is the only room with a single
bed.”" |
| Apr 17 | Simon Diary: "Nightmare! Claire phoned up and dumped me! Apparently there were loads of photos of me half-dressed in the street
with various women from last night's escapade. I tried to explain and pleaded for another chance but she was unmoved .What am I going to do? I'm heartbroken. |
| Apr 18 | Simon Diary: "I'm in love! We were hanging about San Diego airport waiting for the plane back to the UK so I looked at the newspaper stand and saw a magazine. Be still my beating heart! Who is this beauty. |